Suddenly confined within four walls with the people you share your home with? Are they getting under your feet? Or perhaps some of their less pleasant habits are becoming more noticeable as time goes on.
The prospect of spending an extended time with the people you live with can bring more opportunity for connection, it can also pose some challenges. Whether you share your space with your spouse, friends, relatives or your own children, living with people in a confined space for a long period of time can be hard. Very hard!
The coronavirus COVID-19 has brought about many changes to our daily lives. It’s become clear that physically distancing ourselves from others is key to stopping the spread of the virus. Staying at home, to protect us all in the long run, sounds like a simple thing to do, but it might just put our relationships to the test along the way!
Ordinarily, we only see our housemates for a few hours a day. The rest of the time we are out and about on our own, living our lives and doing our own thing. Since the necessary restrictions on movement have been implemented by many countries, any of our find ourselves with a little less space and privacy then before.
When you are suddenly together for much longer periods of time, things that previously only annoyed you slightly might start to make you see red. Other people’s ticks or bad habits may now induce a feeling rage that you can’t explain. In fact, in China where people have been living in lockdown for several months, there has been a reported spike in divorce rates.
We can’t change the situation, but we can try and make it more bearable. Here are some tips to help you practice more tolerance and hopefully minimisehousehold friction.
- Accept the situation together Get together and talk about the situation. Get everyone to acknowledge that it may get tough at times. Don’t dwell on the negatives but accept that it may be awkward or frustrating at times. Agree that as long as you communicate with each other from the start, it will make things easier.
- Take time to be alone If you come close to breaking point, the thought of not being able to avoid other people may make you feel suffocated. Try and take a few moments each day and find a space where you can get some alone time. This might be a yoga session in your room or a long soak in the bath. Be honest and unapologetic about your need for some alone time. Let everyone know that you are all in the same situation and everyone will benefit in the long run if you all get some time by yourself.
- Agree on quiet time This is very important if you have kids. Suddenly, they will be doing home-school which is new to all of us. If you have more than one child to educate at home, perhaps throw in a toddler and then your own job on top of that – well, it isn’t pretty. Sit everyone down and agree that for a few hours every morning, everyone needs to quietly knuckle down and work.
- Reach out to others You might not have any choice over who you are living with, but as the saying goes, you can choose your friends! When your housemates are driving you mad, reach out to the people you are missing. Take yourself to a quiet space and call someone who can sympathise. Seeing a different (virtual) face and talking to someone else will make you feel connected with the real world again.
- Show respect Whilst we will quickly come to realise what annoys us and when we need our own space, try to also respect each other’s needs. We don’t just need to manage our own needs and anxieties during this time, we have to accept and manage other peoples too. If your other half insists on sitting in the garden alone for their lunch break rather than spending it with you, try and appreciate that this is their quiet time and leave them to it. Interrupting or asking them to adjust could lead to frustration.
None of us know how long we will be keeping our distance for. It won’t be forever, but it might get tough along the way. Follow these steps and hopefully you will still be speaking to one another at the end of it!